Thursday, October 14, 2010

Just because I felt like blogging... and I wanted to vent.

One sentence can have so much of an effect on you even if it wasn't meant specifically for you.

Some people make it hard for us not to love them. Others make it hard for us to love them.

Donated blood yesterday and didn't feel very good later.

Didn't have a very good appetite yesterday afternoon. Felt good about giving blood but felt tired and weary emotionally.

Went to bed at about 10:30ish.

Slept soon after I shed some jewels, precious liquid ones, on my pillow.

Woke up at 6:45 am this morning. Feel refreshed now. It's 7:18 am and I have an 8 am class - childhood psychology.

I wish some things would be read only by certain people and not by others. But they're never read by people  I wished would read and taken in the right sense. Those who follow my blog, thank you! I really appreciate it. However, I'm talking about things I put up on the Internet in general and the reasons for which I put them up, and how sometimes things are intended for some people and those people never end up reading it. Why am I even saying this to you guys? Wow! I must sound very depressed, right?

I wanna draw closer to God than I am right now... I wanna be the girl that used to love Him more than anything and anyone else because she didn't have anyone else that loved her like Him and she realized, recognized, and responded to that love and gave it back. She's no longer that passionate. And I'd be willing to do anything to go back to that point where I can talk freely to Him and be at peace about where I am right now instead of feel dissatisfied and going back and forth instead of being consistent in keeping up my relationship with Him.

I am dissatisfied with a couple things in my life, but I am also content with where I am right now, if that makes any sense at all.

I wanna say "I love you" without being too ashamed or afraid to say it, and mean it with all my heart, to someone I love dearly. Please don't judge me for this. I cannot take it. I'm weary of being judged all the time.

Finally, but never the least, please pray for me. I'm literally hanging by a string in my spiritual life because of my circumstances. Pray that I will not focus on my circumstances but on the One that holds me in His hand.

Time: 7:34am. Going to class.

Edited for grammar and clarity at 10:03 am.


Dani_Gal said...

You know I'll be praying for you!

Febin Rajan said...

Looks like you are really disappointed with someone. But I wonder why people only choose to draw closer to the almighty only after having bad experiences?

Beula said...

Thanks Dani.

Febin, I will admit that I do sound very depressed in this post but it was a very momentary feeling. It didn't last more than a few hours. Since I sound that depressed is probably why you feel like I turn to Him only when things go wrong. I'm talking more out of a heavy heart for people I love and because I've tried and tried to make things right over and over again and failed. I'm now learning to let go, stay out of the way, and put *everything* in His hands, because I know I need to trust Him with my burdens, not as a last resort but because I know He's the best resort. I just realized it too late. It's easier said than done.

Febin Rajan said...

Good. From this reply I understand that you might belong to protestant sect of christianity right. Might be from the pentecostal background. Correct me if I am wrong.

Beula said...

Lol. Nope, I'm not pentecostal. How would that matter? just wondering.

Febin Rajan said...

Oops..Sorry Beula, this comment was intended for a different blog. I accidently pasted that comment here. It is not intended for you. God Bless :-)

Beula said...

Oh ok. No Problem! Thank you! The Lord bless you too! =)