Facebook fast and new room

I've been off facebook since Saturday night and I will continue to stay off until Friday/Saturday. I need the break. Found it hard the last two days but it's getting easier now. Driving at not being so intent on being updated on every single thing I'd like to know about friends on facebook. Meanwhile, busy doing last packing for moving into the new house (in Durham itself), probably moving tomorrow or the day after. Will make it easier to keep off facebook. Looking forward to the rest of summer from now on.

OOOOHHH!!! And did I tell you what color my room's gonna be painted? The color's called "rosebay" but it's basically a purplish pink! LOVE ITTT!!!! =D My first time having a room all to myself painted my favorit(ish) color (one of my favorite colors is pink). Will post a picture later if I can.... =) I'm sooooooo excited! Haha...

Later... <3

PS: I wouldn't want as much pink in my room as in the picture above but that's the only agreeable picture I could find suitable for this post... =p

Cry...

I cry... that's what I do when I'm unable to explain what's on my mind. Then again, after reading the book Captivating, I realize like I'm not the only one that does that. It's typical of women to cry when they're hurting but don't know how to put what they're feeling into words. But you know what? I hate that stereotype... I don't like that men expect women to be that way, because when they do that, they look down on women.

I truly hope the man I marry will not think that way about me. I've mostly received that kind of reaction in the past when I've cried, but I long to be understood and accepted for that characteristic, not laughed at for something that God put in me and that I'm not ashamed of. I hope my man sees the value of tears for what they are. Now there are exceptional cases of women that cry to get their way, but honestly, I think that's the route a coward chooses. If you have a sincere justification for what you do though, then I'd probably stand up for you. I'd just not stand for destroying the value of tears.

God gave me the gift of tears and I think it's perfectly alright to shed those tears out of a broken spirit (guilt) or an aching heart for the unsaved. Even when you feel truly hurt, if you cry, I don't think it's "weak". My point here is that I think it's wrong to look down on tears. Jesus shed tears when He was in the Garden of Gethsemane while thinking about being separated from God. That time He was thinking about us, but He was also thinking about Himself and what He was going to lose by separating Himself from His Father. That's crying out of a broken heart, and I think that's righteous...! Nothing wrong with it! Also, guess what? I was made in the image of God... and guess what else? He put me together so that I would have a more sensitive heart so i could cry and pray for my children and my man and be their strength that way. I'm happy as I am, my friends. So if you're a girl, then celebrate us women for just being us. If you're a man, then let your woman/future woman be herself and don't look down on her for it. Be proud and thankful that you've married yourself a woman and not a man!



P.S: I hope I'm not sounding like an independent feminist or something like that, coz I'm not one! I'm just trying to live Christ in every way I can, because I love Him, because He loved and loves me more.

Is it wrong to ask for a hug for myself?

I wanna be mad at God. I want to be angry at Him for letting me have what I asked Him for... because it hurts SO bad when I realize I'm not ready for something I thought I was ready for. I need a hug so bad right now...

Compliments that make me happy

There are many compliments that I've felt were sincere but these are ones that caught my attention. I felt they were more real, deeper, and just meant a lot to me:

1. Your smile brightened my day/ You have a sweet/beautiful smile.
2. I can be myself around you.
3. I think you're a wise/mature person.

I like #1 because I know when I do smile, I smile from my heart, even if sometimes I don't feel like smiling, simply because I'm easy to impress... What follows is the fact that I pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve. Other times, all I can do really is smile since I'm not a great talker. So if I smile and I do that best and it brightens somebody's day, it's totally worth it!! I mean, there's a special kind of satisfaction you get when you get to know you've made someone happy. Jesus died on the cross for me even when He knew death was gonna separate Him from His Father, even though it was only for a little while, He'd never been separated from His Father before that and the Bible says Jesus cried out "My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?" from the cross. Despite this, He chose to literally go through hell for me! That's how much He loved me, and He still does. Can I, who is nothing compared to Jesus, not spread a little joy when I have really nothing to lose if I smiled no matter what I'm really feeling like at that time?

I like #2 because if people can be themselves around me, that means I've been telling them (directly or indirectly) that they don't need to meet certain standards to be around me... and I love that... I know in the long run, I'll be remembered. That's good enough for me.

I like #3 because if they think I'm mature/wise, then it shows the person has taken time to study me, cares enough about me to see past all my weaknesses and tell me that I'm not striving to be someone I'm not. That I don't need to follow the world to be considered "cool". To me, that's touching. I might be the wrong idea that I'm getting, but it's just the way I like to think.

I have not put up these compliments to praise myself. I have a lot of attributes to work on like patience, compassion, and kindness, especially during this period of my life, and I'm not exactly proud of that fact, to say the least. However, I just wanted to let you know that the people that have given me these compliments, probably without realizing it themselves, have made me more aware of my weaknesses and how much I'm lacking. I am touched though, that they would bring up things like that to encourage me and not bring up the things that can put me down and make me more under-confident of myself. And believe me, I am encouraged! So a big THANK YOU if you're one of those people! =)

If you think any of these are untrue, go ahead and tell me that. =) And let me know what you think, if you'd care to. I'd really appreciate it.

Random facts about moi

Just thought of putting up this note from facebook that I put together a little over a year ago. Reading it now makes me realize I haven't changed a whole lot since then (which is I think good in a way), except that I could've grown more spiritually, but...). Whatever I have changed are either in parentheses or are sentence structure edits and two of them were about tagging people on facebook which aren't really that important. Anyhow, here they are:

1. The simplest and littlest of things amaze, amuse, or impress me.
2. I can keep a secret (mine or those of ones closest to me) for all my life but find it very difficult to hide my temporary reactions or feelings in response to unexpected or unpredictable events and/or comments that people don't generally respond to.
3. I'm not very good at expressing myself verbally but am much better at expressing myself in writing (mostly because of the way I make it to be). I get more time to think while I'm writing and not so much while I'm talking. I’m okay if it’s spontaneous conversation and comes naturally, not if I have to think about it while in conversation.
4. I love spending time with people who truly love the Lord - nothing like it!
5. It takes a long time for people to get to know me as I am - a very long time! I kinda like that but I kinda not like it more than that. I'm working on reversing this trait of mine but I'm taking my time. :D
6. I can be extremely bold one moment and extremely sensitive (for my own feelings as well as those of others) the very next.
7. It's been about 4 years since I started noticing the lyrics in a song first, and only then the tune/music (5 years now and it still hasn't changed!).
8. There is a fun side to me - which not many people see, but I think that side of me is coming out slowly in different forms as time goes by (This might've changed a little bit depending on who you are and what side of me you saw when you first met me).
9. When I sing a song that I've listened to, I tend to sing the song exactly the way that person sang it, even the voice – it comes naturally! =p
10. I love my family... a LOT!
11. I recently made a big change of career choice (OK, that's old news!).
12. I'm not being more specific about #11 because mentioning it makes life more unnecessarily difficult for me – at least for the time being. I guess just saying that destroys the whole purpose but whatever... (decided not to take this off, because it shows a side of me that's been heavily influenced culturally, and I try to change but don't know if it's right or wrong to be so influenced; and if it's wrong, then I don't know how to make it right).
13. I'd rather be a “fly on the wall" and see what others have to say about me than go on and on about myself this way.
14. My favorite drinking vessel in my house has a picture of a toothless open-mouthed-very-cute-baby with "Haaaa..." written above it, on one side, and "*Translation: Nurses are special" on the other. =) I think that's cute.
15. I was born and lived in North India (Bhilai, MP) for the 1st four years of my life, then went to Muscat, Oman and lived there for the next 14 years of my life, went to South India (Kochi, KL) for 2 years of college, and since then have been in NC, US for two years and running.
16. I believe one chooses to love (if it’s true love – that is the patient, kind, not rude, is not provoked kind of love) rather than falls in love – whether or not that person is someone you choose or one who someone else helps you choose.
17. I can be pretty ruthless while saying something and regret it the very next moment and have a deer-in-the-headlights moment right then and that thought can torture me for the next few months.
18. I love acting crazy and laughing out loud, especially when my mom and sister are with me, that trait comes out in its fuller form. :D
19. I talk better in smaller groups than in bigger ones – more because I like listening more than talking. I think I learn more about the people present then, than when I talk.
20. Nothing more joyful than these three – a) contentment b) watching a sad face turn happy c) watching an infant with no care in the world smile
21. I think I’m a total sambar (a south Indian mixed vegetable spicy curry) of completely opposite characteristics and don’t know whether that’s good or bad.
22. I love the Lord my God - Jesus Christ, my personal Lord and Savior, more than anything or anyone else - only because He first loved me when I'm someone who least deserves it – not because I am “wicked” by the standards of the world but because I’m unholy and therefore wicked by the standard of a perfect, righteous, and holy God, when He could have easily, having the power and authority to, with one word made me non-existent if He chose to.
23. If you are not a Christian, (as in not by denomination or born into a family that calls themselves christians but YOU willfully having accepted Jesus as your own Savior and more importantly, Lord), first of all, I hope you’re still reading this =), and secondly, I would sincerely love for you to know that this relationship I have with Him, you can enjoy too to the same extent that, or even more than, I’m enjoying it.

I might add more... later. =)
I love you all!

End of semester thoughts... part 2

Ok. Now for the remainder of what I learned this semester.

I mentioned grace in my previous post and I learned how valuable grace is to me specifically and in the life of every believer that seeks to follow Christ, only this semester. I definitely don't deserve grace but am exceedingly thankful that I it has been extended to me. You know when you've done something wrong and you deserve to get the consequence of what you've done wrong but instead you are forgiven and not made to undergo the consequences, you've received grace... That's what I got. Intervarsity or IV's main vision is partly to be an "invitational community of grace". This means that when a person has a certain struggle in life and wants to gain victory over that area of their life, IV will through the people that are part of it, help back you up and support and pray for you as you deal with that struggle and either remove it from your life or look at everything from a different perspective making it easier for you to give that struggle up, instead of criticizing that Christian for doing something he or she is not supposed to do, tell them "I'll pray for you" and leave it at that.

I couldn't tell you what that approach meant to me as a Christian who was trying to give up the idol in her life. And I'm so thankful for the strength I have in Christ. When I attempted to give it up before, it's not that Christ wasn't working in me at that time, it's just that I didn't want to let Him work in me. I was trying for it all the time without completely letting Him take care of it. Anyhow, I've given that area of my life completely over to the Lord now and wish and pray that He will bring the right opportunity in my way when He thinks it best for me.

The next thing I'm about to talk about is something I've heard a few times but never actually put into practice. I've known for some time now since last semester that the best way to get something that you love, or consider an idol, out of your mind is to love something else even more. For anyone out there struggling with something, take my word for it. It's the best strategy ever and it works! The more you give yourself time to think about it, the more you fall slave to it. Stop thinking "What do I do to stop doing this or thinking about this?" and instead do something else! Don't give yourself a chance to think about how to stop thinking about it. Just do something else that will keep you busy and thinking about the things you should think about. Wow! =p Just felt like laughing at the way the latter part of that last sentence went. lol.

Anyhow, I have a feeling there are some things I'm missing out of the things I wanted to talk about. If I remember, I will post them. Until then, "think about these things" (Phil 4:8) ;-)

I remembered... just wanted to add something to what I've already mentioned in this post. Talking about loving something more in order to give up something you love so much that your focus gets shifted from where it's supposed to be - on Christ, I just wanted to also say, the best thing to love more is Christ. Shift your focus from what you struggle with and put it on Christ. Devote yourself to loving Him like you would that idol of yours, whatever or whoever it may be. Don't stop to think about it. Just love Him! Get to know Him (read your Bible), spend time talking to Him (pray!), spend time with other people that love Him (get involved in a Bible study, attend church meetings other than on Sunday, get lunch and have good spiritual conversations with Christians that love Jesus), come up with your own ideas... Let me know if you want to talk to me about a struggle you may have. I hope everyone's having a good summer.

End of semester thoughts

Nearing the end of this semester... felt like I should put up a post on my thoughts about this semester. First let me tell you about the one thing I consider very important to me - the people I meet and form deep relationships with. I'm generally very reserved, but the ones that do get to know me a little better than most people I've met, know that once I get started talking, I can go on until he or she takes initiative to stop me, unless they wanna let me realize it themselves. I eventually do realize it but by then, I'm already feeling guilty about having talked too much, so usually I prefer when people stop me. However, if you could stop me with grace, without being hurtful, I'd appreciate it a lot more., because I can be unpredictably sensitive and silly at times and it's awkward when it gets that way.

Anyhow, two of the people I'm talking about are Becca and Dani (the order of names don't necessarily imply that I'm closer to one than I am to the other, I love each of them more than the other). I met these two precious girls this semester, here at ECU. I couldn't explain how thankful I am for girls like them that love the Lord and are so much more mature than I am, even being more than a couple years their senior. How the Lord brought about my meeting each of them separately and then finding out that the two of them were good friends too (making it an awesome threesome of sisters in the Lord), I really cannot explain here. I'd put you to sleep if I did. If you know the value of having a "bosom friend" (or friends) that love(s) the Lord and you, and are willing to put in their best and pray with you to help hold you up or help you stand up when you fall or are prone to falling spiritually, you know what I'm talking about. Through these two, I learned how to deal with a Christian brother or sister with grace when they're heading downwards spiritually.

So yes, there was a point in my life earlier this year and late last year when I was going through a serious low in my relationship with the Lord. I had no desire to leave my ways and come back to Him. That's the next thing about this semester I'm gonna talk about. I had something I loved and didn't want to let go. It was an idol that I never wanted to let go of - ever. This unwillingness, in one word, is called disobedience - which I had happily adopted as part of my life in order to please myself. I didn't care anymore about what the Lord wanted. I had gotten so caught up in thinking about justifying my sin and looking at it "optimistically" that I forgot that I was not being true to the Lord, that He knew my heart, and that ZERO glory was going to Him through all of this as long as I was being disobedient. But then Romans 8:28 comes to mind and I'm reminded that everything works together for good to those that love Him. I wish I could say now that all that happened during the past few years was good. Thinking of the million ways I have failed, I can't say that everything that happened concerning this idol was good, that easily, but I have do believe that God has changed me in certain ways of thinking. Christ has forgiven me, which is why I'm so thankful for the Gospel. I used to take pride a long time ago, in who I was, but all that changed a few years ago, and I didn't share that close relationship with the Lord anymore. I didn't need Him anymore because I had this idol.

You and I need God. We were made to need Him. In thinking that we don't need Him, we're proclaiming ourselves as God, thus making that a sin. The first and great commandment, Jesus said, is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. If all I really care about is myself and feed my desires selfishly, and in the process, change myself to become someone so foreign to the Lord that I can't recognize what His calling for me is anymore, isn't that considered my idol? Or my god? That's exactly what I was doing! Worshiping my idol more than God - I was in sin, because of which I had sin in other related areas of my life too! I've triumphed in these areas though, wait, JESUS won the triumph for me! The reason I wouldn't talk about these things openly and more specifically is because I don't trust people as much as I do God. I don't need to put information here that people can use against me for whatever reason. However, that does not justify my sin. I do not deserve forgiveness for what I've done in the past, but I do require restoration and I'm in that process right now.

Another thing that caused a change in me this semester is the desire to bring back several things in my life that had stalled due to my sin. Some of those things are reading my Bible and praying regularly while getting to know Him better, a passion for reading books, being there for friends, loving them like Christ, being there for my family, and bringing back the gentleness and humbleness that Christ would have had He been in my place while dealing with my family. Surrendering is the key. I need to give in to Him - let Him work in me instead of keeping the reins of my life in my hand. He's my pilot after all. If I don't trust Him, who will I trust? Pray that I will "trust and obey... to be happy in Jesus" because there's nothing else in this world more worth it than trusting in the Lord. Such immense peace, hope, and love becomes apparent in life, that it starts flowing out of your life in such a manner that people who don't know Jesus personally see that there's a difference. But first, you have to be in tune with God and have the willingness to be that way. Will you pray for me?

I will post more about what else I learned this semester. I feel like half of my learning was not from the classes I took this semester. But until then, whoever you are, God be with you!

Old-fashioned??

Being a part of our materialistic, money-focused generation, in many areas of life, I have watched, learned, and practiced at least some pride in my everyday dealing with people, be it asking someone for a favor, a romantic interest, changing one's major, business decisions, giving out information, apologizing, forgiving (others and ourselves),... the list can go on... Why waste time for attitude and pride when you can have it all the honest way? Not only is it easier to tell others (wisely) what is on your mind, but it also saves a lot of time and misunderstanding and can help bridge gaps between two people when they relate to each other.

I know everyone has their own way of saying and doing things but as far as I've observed, straightforward is the best way. No beating around the bush, no pride nonsense, just simple, plain old-fashioned truth. Okay, reconsidering what I just typed, I feel like the old-fashioned part of it may not be true, since it was the same way in "old-fashioned" times too. What I'm driving at really is the fact that we need to be more real in our lives instead of putting up a face when it comes to making decisions. That doesn't mean jumping into conclusions as a result of every possible thought that occurs in your head, however, it only means that life might be a little bit... no... a lot, harder most of the time because it'll probably make it harder for people to see that you mean what you say and say what you mean, but it'll totally be worth looking back at with satisfaction and thinking that it was worth it!

So this is basically a love song to your future husband or wife (maybe you've already met them or maybe you haven't), but this is mainly looking from the perspective of an unmarried person who writes a love song to his or her future spouse.

Faithfully (by Eric and Leslie Ludy, authors of When God Writes Your Love Story)

Tonight I saw a shooting star,
Made me wonder where you are.
For years I have been dreaming of you,
And I wonder if you're thinking of me, too

In this world of cheap romance
And love that only fades after the dance,
They say that I'm a fool to wait for something more.
How can I really love someone I've never seen before?

But I have longed for true love every day that I have lived,
And I know real love is all about learning how to give.
So I pray that God will bring you to me,
And I pray you'll find me waiting faithfully.

Chorus:
Faithfully, I am yours
From now until forever
Faithfully, I will write
Write you a love song with my life.
'Cause this kind of love's worth waiting for
No matter how long it takes.
I am yours
Faithfully

Tonight I saw two lovers kiss,
Reminded me of my own loneliness.
They say that I'm a fool to keep on praying for you
How can I give up pleasure for a dream that won't come true?

But I will keep believing that God still has a plan,
And though I cannot see you now, I know that He can,
And someday I will give you all of me.
Until I find you, I'll be waiting faithfully.

Chorus:
Faithfully, I am yours
From now until forever
Faithfully, I will write,
Write you a love song wit my life.
'Cause this kind of love's worth waiting for
No matter how long it takes
I am yours
Faithfully

The story of the man of sorrows and the vapor in the wind

"Man of sorrows" what a name!
For the Son of God who came
Ruined sinners to reclaim
Hallelujah, what a Savior!

Guilty, vile, and helpless we
Spotless Lamb of God was He
Full atonement can it be?
Hallelujah, what a Savior

Bearing shame and scoffing rude
In my place condemned he stood
Sealed my pardon with His blood
Hallelujah, what a Savior!

Lifted up was He to die
"It is finished" was His cry
Now in heav'n exalted high
Hallelujah, what a Savior!

When He comes our glorious King
All His ransomed home to bring
Then anew this song we'll sing
Hallelujah, what a Savior!

I love this song! =) Especially when sung in parts - it sounds BEAUTIFUL!!
Even the first line of the song ""Man of sorrows", what a name!" is such an awe-inspiring one that it's almost impossible that one would pay attention to each word in the song and not be drawn to tears by the end of the song if one knew what Jesus' sacrifice truly means.

"I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling
And You show me who I am
I am Yours!"

"Who am I" by Casting Crowns

This is another song that accents the fact that despite our status as worthless, ungrateful, disobedient beings that dishonored and hated God, He chose to love us more than anything else and wanted to draw us close to Him through sacrificing His own life without uttering a single word against His persecutors. I'm so glad He's no longer dead but is risen and that one day He's coming back to take me home. Can't wait to get there!