I don't feel like putting a picture or a title specifically for this one

It's so good to see my close friends happy with the relationships that they're in. I was really very happy for them, but it wasn't long before the thoughts came automatically back to reflecting on myself. "Am I not good enough? What am I doing wrong? What do I need to do to be better (more marketable... I know that's a terrible way to put it, but I couldn't think of a better way haha)". Then again, what a selfish way to think, as in not being satisfied with where I am right now... Yet again, isn't this how God made me - to want someone to call my own? He's the one that said "It is not good for man to be alone" and that the woman's "desire will be for her husband"? How then can it be a bad thing to think about my future husband? I wonder, oh so many times, how long it will be before I can call that someone my own. It's true that God is the lover of my soul and I cannot tell you how thankful I am for that, but I also think it is true that God Himself put the longing for a man in my life, in my heart, long before I ever understood that longing myself. Granted that God put that desire there, there's nothing wrong with the desire to get married or wanting to have a special someone! Why then, in my culture, is it so wrong to think about the man I want to marry or put time into thinking about what kind of a man I'd like long before it's time to get married, when it isn't wrong to spend hours applying to universities or more than half a day studying? Just because I think about who I'd like to marry, it's not necessary that I'm lusting... Neither does it mean that I want to get married right NOW...

Should I spend time planning and thinking about every other aspect of my life except marriage until "God brings someone at the right time", just because I was raised Indian? Where does God play a role in my life when it comes to learning to deal with your own desires according to God's will and submitting to God rather than denying that they exist? Is God's plan only dependent on what our parents think? Should parents not talk about, think through, and discuss with their children what is the right way? Shouldn't parents be involved in their children's life instead of making decisions for them? In other words, shouldn't children be making decisions, but parents be there through the thinking process and be their friend and patient guide while children arrive at the decision themselves instead of being judged BEFORE or AFTER the children have made the decision. Parents are in this world to guide their children and help them become adults, not help them remain kids as long as the kids are in front of them. Parenting is a maturing process for both parents and children, which means, the rules and principles by which everything happens in the house needs to mature as the children mature, not stay the same whether the kid is 10, 20, 40, or 60. That's the difference between parents and care providers.

Parents should be the guides that no one else can be. I can tell just with typing out this much how hard parenting must be, but then what in this world isn't hard? We choose to sin and that's why it's hard to go through life. If we just gave it all to God instead of working at it all by ourselves and seeking His help only when we got in trouble, it probably wouldn't be so hard in the first place, because we'd know He's got it all under control and that His grace is sufficient for us. Anyhow, bottom line - I'd like to be the parent that God wants me to be, not to please my kids but to please God while loving my kids unconditionally.

What's on my mind right now?

This is my short term dream as of now... =)

This is what I'd like my family to be happy and joyful from the heart and not just on the outside... but that's what I want... is that what God thinks though?

Something I'd like to achieve in about 2 years from now. I know it seems like I'm ordering God about this rather than being open to His will, but this is only a desire and I so hope it comes true...

And finally... but not the least of these, I think often of the one person that I'll be convinced that he's the man God wants for me and about when this secret will be revealed.





These pictures are only a representation of the real thing, not exact. Thanks for taking the time to take a peek into my life. I pray that you'll be encouraged or that you'll remember me in prayer. God bless...

Music... =)

So, I've moved into my dorm room. My roommate dropped in this morning, and isn't coming back until Tuesday! Skipped breakfast and went to lunch. Ate with Eddie, Savannah, Ashley, and Nathan from Crusade and Ruth, who's a new freshman here. There's gonna be a Crusade cookout tomorrow at 5:30 at Elm's Park according to the latest update. I was gonna go to help people move into Belk from 2:30 to 5:30 today and it's 2:31, but I'm not feeling very good right now, emotionally and physically, and so decided not to go. Lame, I know...

I am looking forward to this semester as a whole. If you ask me why, I don't know. All I know is, I'm glad to be in this place that God has put me in and I hope to grow to love Him more (and obey Him).

I went to MD the first part of this week for BUCKIT week (Bible University Christian Knowledge Intensive Training, for those who don't know what it is). Although I could only go up for the first half, it was worth it. We learned about how the Bible came to be as we read it today and why it is reliable as the Word of God and as true as it is. We studied the Book of Matthew headed by Andrew Wilson from Australia. The other thing I really loved about Buckit week was the singing. Young people can sing!! After coming to ECU though, I've seen so many people that consider singing hymns as something so uncool, from what I can tell! I personally think it's the coolest kind of singing, and I can't see why anyone would think otherwise! You would think so too if you could hear the singing at BUCKIT! It was beautiful! Hearing all the mixes of major and minor notes and altos, bases, and tenors and sopranos... singing "Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless, free, rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me, Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Thy love, leading onward, leading homeward, to my glorious rest above" was simply AMAZING!! If we can sing this beautifully here on earth, I wonder what it'll sound like when we're in heaven, when all of us will be perfect and nothing will sound bad to the tiniest extent of "bad".

Lol, I'm writing this as though you can hear the singing as I type. People, I understand that many of you grew up listening to hymns and don't have a very positive outlook on that kind of music probably because it was forced on you, but look at it for the good music that it is and appreciate it for its beauty instead of criticizing it for its negative connotations. I love contemporary music but that doesn't make traditional music any less beautiful. I love singing alto, for this song and for the song "Alone, yes all alone my Savior died for me".

Watch this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hzYKovRsJ8


Now imagine that same song with 30 people singing 4 different parts (good voices!), no music, only voices. That's what I was listening to and singing with for 3 days several times a day at BUCKIT week. We were singing for God, and I hope He was proud of us wanting to please Him with our voices and hearts.

It felt good typing all that out. I feel renewed and refreshed. lol. Great semester ahead! I have so much to blog about the last 4 months or so. Not enough time to, though. Will try to, as and when I'm able if I think there's something worth reading. =) Latah!!