Willing submission and loving authority

Does the word "submission" make us put our guard up immediately? The world of independence and individualism that we live in today, where everything we think about is: "what's the most optimal option for ME?", and in which subconsciously our tendency is to be selfish and think about ourselves over everyone else, submission is a very difficult concept to grasp and apply.

Changing gears just a little bit, most women consider their wedding day to be the most dreamt about and desire it to be the most beautiful and perfect day of their lives. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, I have my own dreams about the same thing, but are we keeping in sight just the wedding? Or the marriage that is to follow the wedding?  Who is the person we're marrying? Why are we marrying him? Are we willing to spend every day of the rest of our life with him? What attitude will get us through the tough times?

At a conference workshop about a week ago this summer, the speaker Dr. Steve Price, talked about Ephesians 5:22-33 (yep, the one about husbands and wives). I really wanna tell you all about it because it's a passage I've read and heard being spoken about a gazillion times before but this was the first time I heard it put this way.

Anywho, moving on, husbands are to "love" their wives as "Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" and "as their own bodies" (v. 25 and 28). Pretty straightforward, not rocket science. Every time a man interacts with his wife, she should get reminded of Christ, that's how deeply he should love her. She should know without a shadow of a doubt that her husband loves her and would give up his life for her, that's how ardently Christ loved us - pure, righteous love! And he needs to assume the responsibility of a husband in every aspect of life and not shrink back from taking initiative. He's the leader and if he's married that's the role he needs to take up. Steve called this trait of a husband - "loving authority". Without the man's love and willingness to lead/initiate, the woman's submissiveness and respect toward him is really meaningless. That's as summary of what he said about a man's role in a marriage. If you're a man, thanks for reading! =)

Now ladies, that stuff I just said up there is for the men. I think it's difficult being a man. I don't think there's a way to say this without being misunderstood but I'm going to say it anyway: I'm a woman who's pretty independent and doesn't have trouble getting along in life without a man but I'd love to have a man to look up to, respect, and be a companion to (and him to me) for the rest of my life - there's a certain in-built desire that God has put in my heart for that, and I'm sure most, if not all, women out there feel somewhat the same way. I wouldn't exchange being a man for the life of me - it's not my calling! =D Besides, who wants to be a man when you can dress pretty being a woman? Men don't get that privilege! ;-) Jokes aside, we have a responsibility without which the man's role of a loving authority does not make sense. Women are to "submit to" their "husbands, as to the Lord" (v. 22). Now, which woman in her right mind will not want to submit to a husband that loves and cherishes her as though she's the most precious thing on earth? And which man on earth would not want a wife who's submissive and respects his leadership, supporting him in the decisions he makes?

With her willing submission and his loving authority, so many minute issues in the family can be resolved. The biggest thing that can get in the way though, is PRIDE! Women have a problem of thinking that we don't need men to lead us because we're self-sufficient and can make our own decisions and men think they're not respected enough and think their women are too demanding. But if each thought of the other instead of themselves - and mind you, it has to be mutual, otherwise over a long period of time it can get frustrating for one of the two persons and putting in a one-sided effort can wear them out - every situation in a family can be dealt with a lot more peacefully and with a lot more wisdom than when it is dealt with each person wanting their own selfishness to reign.

I really don’t know where I belong, you know? I am Indian by nationality, and so there are certain references that I grew up with that only people that I grew up around would understand. But I didn’t grow up in India. I grew up in Oman, around non-resident Indians (NRIs), most of whom also hadn’t lived most of their lives in India. This implies that I knew hardly anything about my culture having grown up in a foreign country and going to a school and church, both of which being a part of, made me think and become a woman of my own, have my own ideas, come to my own conclusions about everything in life. I was different than most people and found maybe one or two people throughout grade school who were comfortable with the real me. I never got into arguments or anything, I was in fact, the peacemaker. I was just always very complicated and difficult to understand. When I went back to India, I couldn’t completely fit in there either, because the kids there, saw me as “different”, an NRI (probably with lots of money, according to them), and someone who spoke too good English, such that they thought that I thought myself to be above everyone else that was around me. I was always seen to be someone I wasn’t, whether in India or Oman.

Before I continue, let me say this: the last thing I’m looking for is pity or “aww”s. I'm basically putting myself out there and trying to see who will be brave enough to say something about this.

Moving on, now that I’ve come to the US, I don’t want to be around Indians, because there’s always been a sense of discomfort when I’m around them, the constant nagging and judgment just wears me out making me want to go to a corner and talk to no one because I feel so worthless compared to all these overachievers that make me feel like an underachiever. Not that there’s anything wrong with me, it’s just that all Indians supposedly want to be either doctors or engineers, or Chartered/Certified Accountants. So what do I do once I'm in the US? I hang out with mostly white people because that’s just the kind of people that I feel most comfortable around. They think like me, behave like me, and I'm completely okay with the way they do things  (nothing racial here, just talking about compatibility).

When I hang out with white people what happens? I end up being the odd one out (some news that is) who knows nothing whatsoever, of the references being made in conversations and I end up just being the stupid looking, “have pity on me” person, that has to have everything explained, and takes all the fun out of what we’re talking about. I probably can do something to change that, hang out more with these people, watch more of the movies they’ve watched <- that’s a BIG one (and we’re talking legit Christians here, not random people), play more games/sports they’ve played, do more things they’ve done. I only have to go back to childhood and literally live my life again like my childhood doesn't count. Is there anyone who can understand what a mixed pot I am? Do you know how stressful it is to go through so many changes in life? I’m not mad for all these changes guys, please don’t misunderstand me. It’s just that I wish someone would understand me for all these things that are part of me, and see me for who I am, and love me for who I am, you know? I’m so longing for that day when that man that God has made for me will know that I’m the girl for him, and I won’t have to worry about caring about these things anymore. I don’t want some random guy who I’ve never met before. I want to know what it’s like to fall in love, real love. I want to be able to see him, talk with him and have him understand what I'm saying and for me to tunderstand him for who he is, and to laugh with him, and share with him and him with me. We can do it all the arranged way if that’s needed, but I want that element of love in it, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting that. I just basically want someone who’ll love both my Lord and me with passion - that's all I care about, honest to the core. Nothing else really matters to me, and I know what I'm saying.

I am fully aware that, but for the last few sentences in the last paragraph, and more than anything else, I sound like an angry bull right now and I think it’s good for me to say it out like this than to censor it and make it seem all flowery to please everyone reading this.

But I don’t care, I’m way past the point of caring about what people think. I need something different. And for the last time, I don't think the solution is marriage! Marriage might be part of the solution, but it's really the need to be understood, cared for, loved, to belong to someone - that is what's causing this discomfort or uneasiness. And somehow I feel like this post is going to make things more difficult for me, because it's so awkward for a girl to say things like this. Or maybe I'm just an ignorant nut.

If you read every word to the end of this post, I love you for it. Thanks for caring enough to want to know what I have to say. 

Once again, please don't pity me for this rant of mine or go out of your way to make things easy on me. Continue being yourself but please don't think less of me when I'm not compatible with you. I know none of you think less of me, but I don't know how else to put it and I feel really bad when I destroy the fun when I don't get something everyone else does - and boy you have no idea about the range of things that can apply to.
Note: I'm talking about good, clean fun here, don't give too much exercise to your imagination. I'm just too tired to type it all out to give examples or explain what I'm talking  about here.

"How does she know you love her?" - Enchanted

Over thanksgiving break, a good friend of mine mentioned how it scared her to get married because of examples she'd seen in real life of couples that were great before they got married and then things changed after they were married. Instantly I thought of how God knows everything and won't let anything happen to us that we can't take and also His promise that all things happen for good to those who love Him (Romans 8) and said "Oh God won't let that happen..." or something to that effect.

But then, I thought about it and it kept bothering me in a way it never had before. Even if it's an arranged marriage, people put on their best when a proposal is considered, but what after that? If it's not an arranged marriage, then it's going to be pretty much the same thing. It's not like we get extra censors if we found a person who we think loves us and we love them. How do you know he truly loves you? I'm really looking for answers/wisdom/thoughts here, and I guess, a source for brainstorming - sort of, to kind of help me decide what my stand would be. Help me think.

I believe there's equal likelihood of changes revealed after marriage and the issue of not being real before getting married in case of an arranged as well as a love marriage. There are things that are hidden before marriage, that come out only after. How well do you get to know a person before you decide he's (or she's) the person you'd consider or would like to marry? I pretty much know the arranged marriage side of this because I've grown up around those answers all my life (that is to say, "well, you can't really get to know anyone enough, you know"? Which is true but I feel like that's an excuse to brush off discomfort out of not knowing what to say, it's not really an answer to the question. I really wanna know the other side though, married folks maybe?). Thoughts please... I don't mean to discourage you from commenting on this, no matter what they are and no matter who you are. I just wanted you all to know where I was coming from. So, if you do have thoughts, please let me know.... Thank you...

CDFR 2000 class (Child Development and Family Relations)

I was required to do this for my CDFR class called Childhood Psychology, this class is specifically for conception to age 6. This assignment was from the website www.keirsey.com, on which I took the KTS-II, the Keirsey Temperament Sorter. Anyhoo, this was the result I got. I'm an Idealist. I thought it was very close to who I am, but here's the explanation of how I'm an idealist.

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials. Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things. Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds. Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers. Idealists at Work Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. They are naturally drawn to working with people and are gifted with helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potential both on, and off, the job. Your beliefs are the arbiter of your actions, even if you cannot articulate those beliefs specifically. You hold a strong, clear sense of the way the universe works, what's "right" and what's "wrong," and what your purpose is in the overall scheme of things. In your ideal job, you can embody those beliefs in your relationships with other people. Because you likely have a talent for de-escalating situations and can almost always find just the "right words", you often significantly improve the morale of organizations to which you belong.

Loving people

How do you get to know someone deeply, whether it is family, friends, or a romantic relationship, in such a way that you know what their every action, look, and movement means? Just love them! Watch their every move, love them, and care for them. They may not notice, but they will soon. It is kinda hard not to notice when someone showers you with love (and that's what you need to do, shower them with love), because when you do that, he or she will see that you love them and care about them and they'll wonder why. Guess what? God did the exact same thing. He wooed us with His love first, then waited for us as we gradually fell in love with Him. Part of the reason He did that was so He could show us that we could love the same way too.


Should you stop if the people you love take too long to recognize your love? Nope. Keep loving them. If they end up never recognizing your love, that's okay, you don't have to have them love you back for you to continue loving them. Love them anyway. They will love you back some day if they don't already. Love them the way God loves you - love patiently, and kindly, without being envious, proud, boastful, rude, selfish, easily angered and the rest of the characteristics that come with these (I Corinthians 13:4-8). Don't just preach it. Practice it! Pray that God will help you remember those characteristics when you're around people. Truly desire to love people that way. Stop thinking about how they don't love you back. Stop thinking about being hurt if they don't love you back because those things don't matter in the end. Ultimately, all that matters is that God thinks the world of you. He loves you - ardently, so much that He gave up His own life for you, while you (that's me too) still kept hurting Him all the time. Think of God as a real Person, not as someone who is somewhere in the sky, far away, where He doesn't relate to you as a person, because He is a real Person, and He hears us and wants to talk to us if we will listen. Often, it takes loving people the way God loves us, for us to understand, not the extent of His love, just the fact that the extent is so infinite that we can't imagine it (try and imagine that). He yearns for our love, which is not worth any of the love He gives us, but He still values our love and wants us as we are. What a wonderful God to serve!


So, coming back to my point of this post, keep spreading that love, people! Show others how much God has loved you if you know of His love and have made it your own. Show them the effect of God's love in your life, but be real about it. Don't think one thing in your head and tell others another. Because people see right through it. Believe and practice what you say, people will see the reality in it, no matter how much you learn from other people, nothing beats personal experience. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.


So, focus on Christ people, and go and love! (BIG HEART)


Loads of love,
-Beula

Just because I felt like blogging... and I wanted to vent.

One sentence can have so much of an effect on you even if it wasn't meant specifically for you.

Some people make it hard for us not to love them. Others make it hard for us to love them.

Donated blood yesterday and didn't feel very good later.

Didn't have a very good appetite yesterday afternoon. Felt good about giving blood but felt tired and weary emotionally.

Went to bed at about 10:30ish.

Slept soon after I shed some jewels, precious liquid ones, on my pillow.

Woke up at 6:45 am this morning. Feel refreshed now. It's 7:18 am and I have an 8 am class - childhood psychology.

I wish some things would be read only by certain people and not by others. But they're never read by people  I wished would read and taken in the right sense. Those who follow my blog, thank you! I really appreciate it. However, I'm talking about things I put up on the Internet in general and the reasons for which I put them up, and how sometimes things are intended for some people and those people never end up reading it. Why am I even saying this to you guys? Wow! I must sound very depressed, right?

I wanna draw closer to God than I am right now... I wanna be the girl that used to love Him more than anything and anyone else because she didn't have anyone else that loved her like Him and she realized, recognized, and responded to that love and gave it back. She's no longer that passionate. And I'd be willing to do anything to go back to that point where I can talk freely to Him and be at peace about where I am right now instead of feel dissatisfied and going back and forth instead of being consistent in keeping up my relationship with Him.

I am dissatisfied with a couple things in my life, but I am also content with where I am right now, if that makes any sense at all.

I wanna say "I love you" without being too ashamed or afraid to say it, and mean it with all my heart, to someone I love dearly. Please don't judge me for this. I cannot take it. I'm weary of being judged all the time.

Finally, but never the least, please pray for me. I'm literally hanging by a string in my spiritual life because of my circumstances. Pray that I will not focus on my circumstances but on the One that holds me in His hand.

Time: 7:34am. Going to class.

Edited for grammar and clarity at 10:03 am.

I dreamed this afternoon that I got a packet in the mail and I opened it and it was an acceptance letter saying I got into the nursing school at ECU. I woke up thinking I wanted to hug everyone that crossed my path (lol, I totally would not do that) but I remembered dreaming I was so happy I didn't know what to do. I actually had a hard time remembering if I really had gotten the letter and couldn't remember what day of the week it was or anything that would help me determine if it was a dream I'd just had or it had really happened before I fell asleep.

I've lately been very anxious and fearing the consequences of not getting into nursing school, because I don't want to have to tell my parents that I didn't get in. I don't want another chance at disappointment. I don't have the strength for it anymore. Would you please pray for me if you haven't already? And if you have, thank you! I want you to know that I appreciate it and that it matters that you prayed.

Just wanted to share this with people who might actually read this instead of in a book that no one but me is gonna read. Have a great next week! : ) <3

Contra dance

My first time contra dancing. First of all, let me admit that I've never danced and have been raised to believe that dancing is wrong and causes others to sin. Period. I, however, NOT because I came to the US, but because I have seen several good instances of dancing in the Bible BEFORE I came to the US, don't think that all forms of dance are wrong. I, in fact, have secretly admired some of my friends who could dance since grade school, have not seen anything wrong with dancing as long as they moves are not suggestive and have always wondered why dance was completely considered taboo, although I was taught by my parents that we do not dance. Anyhoo, fast forward to about a week ago, my friend is a dance person and goes to a lot of different dances, decent ones, and she invited me and my other friend to a contra dance. We were supposed to go for one dance Friday night and another one on Saturday night. If you've ever taken an exercise class of some sort in college, or aerobics for beginners (I have), then you'll understand what I mean when I say it's basically an exercise workout, just a little more fancy. I am SO glad I went Friday night (couldn't go Saturday night because I had other stuff for then and Sunday morning). I absolutely LOVED it the night that I was able to go!!

So, moving on to what we actually did Friday night...

We got there late for the 1/2 an hour class during which, the caller (who walks us through the steps we'd be doing to the upcoming song and then calls out each step as we do the actual dance too) taught the basic steps/moves of contra dance for first timers. But when we got there, Becca my friend who took us to the dance, introduced me and Dani to two of her guy friends and asked them to be our first dance partners because they knew what they were doing and they'd be able to help us along and teach us as the dance was on. Two important details to get a picture of the dance in your head. The music is a lot like country music and there are lots of men and women dancing in rows mostly, sometimes in concentric circles, at the same time to the same steps that the caller calls out (women do certain steps and the men do the complimentary steps).

So basically, everyone has a partner and a neighbor and the lady is always on the right and the gentleman is always on the left. And we first start in pairs, and sometimes face another couple. So if we were standing in the shape of a square, there'd be a gentleman on either side of me, one would be my partner, the other my neighbor. Same for the men, there'd be a lady on either side of him, one his partner and the other his neighbor. You always start a dance with your patner. My first dance partner Jeb was amazing. Most of the steps were pretty simple. With the steps that were hard for me to follow, Jeb would just move me around himself. lol. I just had to let myself go. It was pretty amazing and a lot of fun! =D The band consisted of at least one violin, a flute, and a piano. I know there was one more instrument but I don't think I noticed because I was too busy trying to figure out how to dance. But they were SO good!!

The second dance I danced with Becca's sister (she decided to be a man for that dance, because that night, there were more women than men, sometimes it's somewhat equal ratio, and other times more men than women). It was fun with Deborah, but she's quite a bit shorter than I am, so it was kinda hard for her to have fun while doing her man steps as well as help me move along to the steps being called out, while not messing up other people's dance moves by messing up mine/ours. Oh, one thing I forgot to mention was that, your partner stays the same pretty much throughout the dance, but your neighbor keeps changing. So you end up dancing with almost every guy that's in your line. Many of those men were very good about dancing with people like me. Strong and confident, being good examples, and being VERY encouraging, telling me that I was doing very well, as were each of my partners, although I quite frankly, didn't think I was doing THAT well. lol.

My third dance I took a break and didn't dance with anyone. Fourth song I danced with another of Becca's friends, who was an older man (I didn't ask his name). He was pretty good too about keeping the dance going even though I was not as good as any of them. Let me insert a bit of self-praise here - I felt like I wasn't doing that bad for a first timer coz I was actually enjoying it and felt like I was able to get a lot of the steps pretty fast, but that was at the beginning of the evening. Then I think I stayed out for one more dance and then a girl, Courtney, that was, I later noticed, a very graceful dancer, offered to be my "man" partner for the next dance while I was watching the then going on dance. But as soon as that dance was over, my friend Michael, came and asked if I wanted to dance. I told him I already had a partner for the next dance. So Courtney and I danced and that turned out to be a lot of fun too! I later found out Becca had asked him to dance with me and Dani because we had met him at school and was the one person we already knew before. And he did! She takes good care of us! =)

Then I don't remember clearly but I danced only one more official dance for the rest of the evening when another first timer, Alex from UNC, asked if I wanted to dance. I didn't think it was a good idea, because we were both first timers, but I really wanted to dance, and so I did! And that sequence of steps which involved "the haye" (I think that's how it's spelt, not sure though) just happened to be the hardest of all the dances we'd done that evening. haha! We messed up in the middle of the dance and got back in the flow a little after that. But we both had fun and he was doing pretty good for a first timer too! And then at the end, Michael came up again, because he'd gotten a chance to dance with Dani and not with me, if I wanted to waltz because after all the dances were over, the band/musicians were playing ballroom kind of music and several couples were dancing around the room. (Background info: I've always wanted to know how to do the ballroom dance so I can dance with my husband in the future haha, so I was thrilled when Michael made that suggestion). So Michael and I waltzed while Becca and Dani waltzed too! It was amazing! lol. He kinda gave an outline as to the basic things as to how to move and how to face your partner and stuff. After that Becca and I waltzed too, with a different kind of stepping than Michael showed me, but honestly, I felt like Becca's was a teeny bit harder. haha. And then Becca did a polkadancing "prance" with me, which is done in the ballroom position but faster and more crazy like haha. THAT was way too much fun for me... =D

I laughed out loud a LOT during those three hours! And I'm glad I could do that. I don't get to do that a lot. It lets you out as you are, instead of you having to hold back as though you are not entitled to "too much" happiness, and I think that kind of a refreshment is needed once in a while, not too often though, because then it loses its value.



Disclaimer: This post, if read by many of my people, considering that I don't live among a lot of my people anymore (if you're reading this, you probably know who you are), is probably gonna be looked at as a "scandal" in an exaggerated form, so I wanna say this - I don't really think it matters that much to me what people think as long as I know my heart is pure and as long as I know that my God knows my heart, because that's all that matters to me. God has worked in my life, throughout my life, not just after I came the US, and has made me to be the person I am today by bringing different people into my life and putting me in various situations and bringing me through, and you're probably one of those people too if I've interacted with you. So just be thankful that I still love the Lord Jesus Christ and am following Him and then (sorry, but I feel the necessity to put it this way because this has indirectly affected mine and my family's life a lot, in the past, just because of the way people pry into the lives of people whose business they have no business minding) - with all due respect, please... mind your own business...

Oh, also this previous paragraph are only my thoughts that the Lord has put in my heart, not my parents. They have done their job well, of bringing me up the way they knew best and I love and respect them for it. If you have something to say about this post, please let me know directly. Written with lots of love in my heart, for the sake of my Lord Jesus, for all of you.

I don't feel like putting a picture or a title specifically for this one

It's so good to see my close friends happy with the relationships that they're in. I was really very happy for them, but it wasn't long before the thoughts came automatically back to reflecting on myself. "Am I not good enough? What am I doing wrong? What do I need to do to be better (more marketable... I know that's a terrible way to put it, but I couldn't think of a better way haha)". Then again, what a selfish way to think, as in not being satisfied with where I am right now... Yet again, isn't this how God made me - to want someone to call my own? He's the one that said "It is not good for man to be alone" and that the woman's "desire will be for her husband"? How then can it be a bad thing to think about my future husband? I wonder, oh so many times, how long it will be before I can call that someone my own. It's true that God is the lover of my soul and I cannot tell you how thankful I am for that, but I also think it is true that God Himself put the longing for a man in my life, in my heart, long before I ever understood that longing myself. Granted that God put that desire there, there's nothing wrong with the desire to get married or wanting to have a special someone! Why then, in my culture, is it so wrong to think about the man I want to marry or put time into thinking about what kind of a man I'd like long before it's time to get married, when it isn't wrong to spend hours applying to universities or more than half a day studying? Just because I think about who I'd like to marry, it's not necessary that I'm lusting... Neither does it mean that I want to get married right NOW...

Should I spend time planning and thinking about every other aspect of my life except marriage until "God brings someone at the right time", just because I was raised Indian? Where does God play a role in my life when it comes to learning to deal with your own desires according to God's will and submitting to God rather than denying that they exist? Is God's plan only dependent on what our parents think? Should parents not talk about, think through, and discuss with their children what is the right way? Shouldn't parents be involved in their children's life instead of making decisions for them? In other words, shouldn't children be making decisions, but parents be there through the thinking process and be their friend and patient guide while children arrive at the decision themselves instead of being judged BEFORE or AFTER the children have made the decision. Parents are in this world to guide their children and help them become adults, not help them remain kids as long as the kids are in front of them. Parenting is a maturing process for both parents and children, which means, the rules and principles by which everything happens in the house needs to mature as the children mature, not stay the same whether the kid is 10, 20, 40, or 60. That's the difference between parents and care providers.

Parents should be the guides that no one else can be. I can tell just with typing out this much how hard parenting must be, but then what in this world isn't hard? We choose to sin and that's why it's hard to go through life. If we just gave it all to God instead of working at it all by ourselves and seeking His help only when we got in trouble, it probably wouldn't be so hard in the first place, because we'd know He's got it all under control and that His grace is sufficient for us. Anyhow, bottom line - I'd like to be the parent that God wants me to be, not to please my kids but to please God while loving my kids unconditionally.

What's on my mind right now?

This is my short term dream as of now... =)

This is what I'd like my family to be happy and joyful from the heart and not just on the outside... but that's what I want... is that what God thinks though?

Something I'd like to achieve in about 2 years from now. I know it seems like I'm ordering God about this rather than being open to His will, but this is only a desire and I so hope it comes true...

And finally... but not the least of these, I think often of the one person that I'll be convinced that he's the man God wants for me and about when this secret will be revealed.





These pictures are only a representation of the real thing, not exact. Thanks for taking the time to take a peek into my life. I pray that you'll be encouraged or that you'll remember me in prayer. God bless...